| As we age, we often find ourselves pondering the intricacies of memory and its seemingly gradual decline. It’s not uncommon to find ourselves standing in a room, bewildered and wondering, “Why am I here?” Or, while searching for information online, we suddenly lose our train of thought, unable to recall what we were looking for in the first place. The elusive piece of information seems to be right there, just out of reach, leaving us frustrated and perplexed. For those of us who have family members diagnosed with Alzheimer’s or early-onset dementia, these moments of memory lapse or failure are accompanied by an additional, disconcerting thought: “What if this is a symptom of Alzheimer’s? What if I’m losing my cognitive abilities?” Such thoughts only serve to heighten our anxiety and further impede our ability to recall information. Contrary to the common belief that memory is a simple process of recording and replaying past experiences, research in cognitive psychology and neuroscience suggests that memory is a far more dynamic and constructive process. Our memories do not reside in neatly organized, alphabetized folders within our brains. We are not like computers, effortlessly storing and retrieving databases. In reality, memory is more akin to my office, both at home and at the temple: a cluttered assortment of papers, books, journals, and memos. While I can usually locate what I’m searching for, there are times when I cannot. The phrase, “I could’ve sworn I put those papers right here…” has escaped my lips on numerous occasions. The way we initially encode information is influenced by our existing knowledge, beliefs, and expectations. This means that the formation of memories is not entirely objective but involves a creative interplay between new information and our existing mental frameworks. We attach new memories to past experiences, which is why a strategy for remembering a new name is to associate it with an animal or cartoon character. Conjuring the image of the associated animal helps us recall the person to whom we’ve linked it. Memory is not merely a storage system but an active, evolving process that involves interpretation, reconstruction, and imagination. The truth is, forgetting is remarkably easy. From an evolutionary perspective, forgetting can be seen as an adaptive mechanism that allows our brains to prioritize the retention of important information and discard irrelevant details. In an ever-changing environment, retaining every piece of information would be cognitively taxing and inefficient. As time passes, the neural connections that encode memories can weaken or decay, leading to forgetting. This process is more pronounced for memories that are not well-consolidated or frequently retrieved. It’s not a negative reflection on the quality or strength of our connection to a deceased loved one when we realize that it’s difficult to remember their face, the sound of their voice, or their favorite restaurant. Everything begins to fade. It is a true symptom of the human condition. This forgetting allows us to grieve and move forward with our lives. Yet, we cherish the memories of those we have lost. Everything begins to fade. That’s why, in Jewish tradition, we have a Yizkor service four times a year: on Yom Kippur day and on the last days of the pilgrimage festivals: Sukkot, Passover, and Shavuot. As we conclude our time in a unique spiritual space, we deliberately pause and consciously will ourselves to remember those in our lives whom we’ve lost. It’s a practice of giving thanks by remembering those who have made a difference. Memorial Day, a federally mandated period of remembrance, is set aside to allow us to reflect, each year, on those who have died in service to our country. It reminds us that freedom comes at a high cost. It reminds us not to be complacent, but rather, to be aware and grateful. Memorial Day is more than a three-day weekend, more than a picnic or a parade. It’s about acknowledging that memories fade without being actively awakened. We are thankful for our fragile memories, and we are thankful for the people who remind us to pay attention. Shabbat Shalom, rebhayim |
Before Shabbat 